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 How polygamy makes wise men unwise

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eddyvic
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PostSubject: How polygamy makes wise men unwise   2015-02-24, 15:00

You must have seen many families
torn apart over inheritance issue.
The embarrassing news that
emanates from such families
sometimes makes you feel
ashamed on their behalf. The
culprit is usually polygamy or a
second marriage.
Polygamy was fashionable and
profitable in the days of yore when
the conditions were right. Might
was right then; therefore, a
polygamous man had many
children, especially sons, that
would serve as an army in times of
intimidation or aggression. Farming
was the major occupation, and
many children translated to a
higher yield and wealth. Women
were meant to be seen and not
heard. So, a man could do as he
wished and the wives dared not
complain.
Today, all that has changed. Any
man who goes into polygamy today
because of religion, tradition, or
wealth-creation may be creating a
family he will be ashamed to
behold from the land of the death,
if dead men could see the
happenings in the world.
Today, the only “good” thing about
polygamy is that it offers men the
opportunity to have a variety of sex
partners. The more the wife of their
youth gets older, the more such
men go for younger women with
fresher body and firmer breasts.
Even in their 60s and 70s, many men
still long for girls in their teens and
20s. Who will blame them? After all,
our laws still permit that.
Sadly, while men are free to marry
as many wives as they like, women
are not given that liberty. Many of
our societies even frown at the
idea of widows remarrying, let
alone marrying younger men, so as
to also have access to fresh blood
like their male counterparts. One
thought there was some truth in
the saying: What is sauce for the
goose is also sauce for the gander.
But we live in a society where
different laws apply to men and
women. Talk of the animal farm
where all animals are equal but
some are more equal than the
others!
But beyond the non-modern
features of polygamy, it has made
many of our great men to create
chaos in their homes while they are
alive or after their death. In spite of
the traditional or religious laws
that govern inheritance in
polygamous families, other
extraneous matters usually set
those laws aside and create an
unjust scenario that leads to
contention and bitter rivalry among
siblings and co-wives that
sometimes last for decades or
generations and even lead to
bloodshed.
But there are men who are not
polygamous but still end up
creating a family that is torn apart
by rivalry over inheritance or
injustice. Most times, these men
are divorcees or widowers. When
such a man remarries, he usually
goes for a young wife that bears
children for him. Try as much as he
can, he cannot stop the young wife
from turning his heart away from
the children of the divorced or
deceased wife. The young wife
gives the man companionship,
food, care and sex. And because the
wife is usually much younger than
the man, he goes the extra mile to
prove to her that he is a better
lover and is better in bed and care
than any young man she could have
married. The woman takes
advantage of that and continues to
manipulate the man to focus all
attention on her and her children.
Gradually, he begins to pay little or
no attention to the children of the
first wife. The children of the first
wife naturally feel angry, and a gulf
develops between them and their
father.
When it is time to write his Will, the
woman close to him at that period
is the new wife. Directly or
indirectly, she exacts pressure on
him that makes him Will most
things to the young wife and her
children. He either cuts the children
of the first wife off or gives them
only the basics to fulfil all
righteousness. And immediately
after the man is buried, the Will is
read. Enmity starts, followed by
litigation.
Even though men see this ugly
scenario in other households, some
still drag their families into it. The
thinking of every man is that he is
smarter than the man who got into
trouble. Men never learn from
history because they believe that
they are smarter and that their case
will be different.
My belief is that when a man gets
divorced or loses his wife, he
should not just focus on what will
make him happy but also on what
will make the children happy and
safe. It is unjust to father children
and not take care of them
adequately, no matter what
problems a man has or had with
their mother.
I know some thoughtful men who
lost their wives and decided to
marry their wife’s sister, so that the
new wife would not treat their
children of the first wife like
strangers or enemies. But they did
not succeed. It is inborn in women
to treat their children better than
other children. It is pure natural
instinct. She may be considerate
and caring, but try as hard as a
woman can, she will most likely not
treat her children and even her
sister’s equally. There must be
times she will take her own
children into the inner room
(behind closed doors) to give them
a delicacy that other children will
not be given.
There are men who got widowed
and decided not to remarry until
their last child got admitted into a
university. That is great sacrifice.
Their thinking is that they don’t
want to have a young wife that will
distract them from paying attention
to their children in their formative
years. But they still run the risk of
having their young wife influence
their Will unfairly.
No man should bank on his wisdom.
Women have enormous powers.
They can make men who have led
countries and conquered nations
look foolish. Ask wise man
Solomon. Ask Antony of Rome what
Cleopatra caused him. You know
other names.
The solution is to bury one’s
desires and think of the good of the
children. When a man loses his
wife, especially after they have had
their desired number of children,
he should focus on raising the
children first. And whenever he
decides to remarry, he should not
be thinking of pointed breasts and
figure eight in his next wife. It is
better if he gets a woman who has
passed her child-bearing age, a
woman who sees the man’s
children as hers. Both of them can
jointly raise the children as theirs. A
companion is better than a sweet
sixteen. Just like people adopt
children whose parents they don’t
know, let the new wife adopt the
children as her own and treat them
truly as hers. They can call her
Mummy, if she treats them like her
children. Peace will reign in the
home while the man is alive and
after he is gone.
I will consider myself a failure if I
create a rancorous home in which
my children become mortal
enemies because of the injustice I
have left behind.
Even though nobody loves to be
treated unfairly, adults must also
learn to create their own wealth
instead of fighting over the wealth
their parents created. It is good
that parents bequeath children
with inheritance but it is not a
right. A man can decide to Will his
property to charity and leave a
little for his children.
But no matter a man’s attainment
in world affairs, creating enmity in
his family over inheritance is not a
sign of wisdom. Every man must
strive from the morning of his
marriage to leave a peaceful home
behind.
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Arbourboateng
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PostSubject: Re: How polygamy makes wise men unwise   2015-02-24, 16:08

Great advice and thanks Bro
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eddyvic
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PostSubject: Re: How polygamy makes wise men unwise   2015-02-25, 03:53

@Arbourboateng wrote:
Great advice and thanks Bro
You are welcome
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